Still wanting to be part of the team

I keep having dreams about my old boss and workplace. It is kind of a drag as i truly am trying to move on, but there is just something about getting canned. It's like unrequited love or the concession stand that has run out of peanuts and beer by the time your turn comes to order and everyone you are with at the game got the goods except you. God it is like being 5 years old again. You think you want something, you want it badly enough to perhaps throw a fit, but in the end it just doesn't matter. I guess I keep ruminating on this because i don't have the job and someone I know took over my job and I liked her as a work friend but she always would say stuff like we'd be great friends even if we weren't co-workers. Which I always thought was BS but now that she has my job I've become hyper-aware she hasn't contacted me. That makes me feel like an asshole, because why do i give a fuck? Once I included her in a gathering at my house for some political thing and she stayed later than anyone else talking about how hard it was for her and her husband to have a baby. I mean she went into great detail, for like an hour I actually switched back to wine from the chamomile tea i was drinking just to buffer the conversation a bit. If there is one thing I know it is know your audience. I am single and i have a magnet on my fridge that says I can't believe i forgot to have children!

So my dream last night which prompted this post involved a spa/abortion clinic and when i walked in my buddy Bob Hall was playing a song from Man Man "Werewolf in your heart" on a lime green drum kit. There was a formal meeting of sorts of which i was asked to leave and so then I entered the spa/abortion clinic area and saw some friends/acquaintances and that was the last thing that really made any sense.

It is a strange sensation to want to be a part of something that you know in your gut you are better off not being a part of.

Oh and I wrote a kickass cover letter that took like 2 hours. Fuck.